Ah yes! The life of the middle-aged man in crisis. I find myself saying frequently..."what are ya gonna do?" Nothing's easy, and things will no doubt only become more difficult as time beats you down, robs you of your youth, energy and hair. Losing the hair isn't really all that bad, but what really sucks is having to take a whiz every fifteen minutes. That can really become annoying, especially when your trying to impress that new young administrative assistant with your spreadsheet prowess. Does anyone else out there find that setting up formulas in Excel makes you pee? I hate that!
Anyhoo....I digress. I find myself home alone once again. My beautiful little girl and the old ball and chain have left for the week, on vacation. So, this obviously leaves me in a position that I don't experience often. I'm left alone, all by myself, "baching it"! Free to do whatever I choose. Free to watch whatever I want on TV. Free to eat, drink, sleep...burp, fart, curse...anything I want to do. Not responsible to anyone. No worries...except for the dog, Stella. She's old and doesn't think twice about taking a dump in the house anymore. That can put a damper on a man's midnight stroll to the can!
So, what am I gonna do with all this "me" time? What mischief can I get in to? The possibilities are endless! Beer and poker with the boys? Maybe the University of Richmond girls tennis team has started summer practice?...ggggrrrrrr! How about a skeet shooting lesson or some time on the gun range? A night out at a "gentleman's club"? (I hear the Last Chance is having a midnight "Eggs and Legs" special!) Barrett Jackson auction on the Speed Network? Ahhh...what to do?
Well, here's how my first day (Saturday) on my own went..
8:00am: Loaded up the family truckster for the girls ("B&C" and my baby Callen).
9:00am: Saw them off.
9:01am: To Starbucks.
9:15am: Cranked up the mower, planning to knock out the yardwork so I could get on to more important things! That's when my weekend really begins. "Danger" is my middle name.
3:45pm: Realized I've spent WAY too much time on yardwork...and I was only going to cut the grass! Ended up weeding; trimming; edging; cutting back bushes, etc. Stupid.
4:00pm: Just as I've put away the last of the power tools I notice a spec of bird crap on the Mustang, so of course...I wash the Mustang.
4:45pm: No wheel protectant! So I drive to Trak Auto for cleaning supplies. Back home to finish the wheels.
5:15pm: Good chance to get in a workout in the man-cave. Trying to regain at least a molecule of youth. Did you ever see the movie American Beauty with Kevin Spacey (as Lester Burnham)...the quintessential mid-life crisis movie! My wife finds humor in calling me out as Lester quite frequently. As if...!
6:12pm: Out of the shower. Called for carryout. Picked up a bottle of vino to go with the salmon.
6:45pm: Fed Stella and sat down to enjoy my meal.
7:00pm: The Godfather is on AMC! Gotta watch that! Even though I own it (and I'm sure you do to), when it comes on TV...you just have to watch it. It's like, a rule really.
8:40pm: ...or thereabouts...asleep on the sofa!
8:45pm: I have to take a whiz. Again!
Yes, that's my first big night as a temporary bachelor. Pretty messed up, huh? Not really the "me" time I had in mind.
Oh, well...there's always tonight!
